


this feeling will only get better

by end_thistragedy



Series: we can't just be friends that share a bed [2]
Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Still Have Powers, F/M, Fluff, Light Angst, and barry and iris deserve to be happy, where nora allen is still alive
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-25
Updated: 2017-02-12
Packaged: 2018-09-19 22:28:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9463043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/end_thistragedy/pseuds/end_thistragedy
Summary: Barry blinks at her, thinking about the way Iris had wrapped her arms around him from behind after their shared Medieval Romance class that morning, resting her forehead against his back and sliding her hands over Barry's deep in his pockets, or the way he put his hands on her waist the night before, fending her off after she'd charged at him because he’d made a smartass comment just to get a reaction out of her, how he'd kept his hands there long after the threat was passed, dipping his fingers over the waistband of her sweats to graze against the skin of her hip, their conversation continuing like that was something completely rational and normal.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> this is part two to my college!AU [_something as simple as this_](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9348653) because some people wanted more from the universe. it'd probably make sense to read that first to get a feel for their dynamic? p.s. this is a story told in snippets over the period of a year

_the one where Iris calls while Barry is on a date_

When Iris calls in a flurry of panic, Barry answers almost immediately despite being in the middle of a moderately successful date with a Chemistry major who’d asked him out after he collided with and nearly sent her flying into the brick walls of the Physics building.

He comes up with a terrible explanation for being flustered and excuses himself to lean against the wall beside the bathrooms and laugh at Iris’ distress over what she should wear to go indoor ice skating.

Barry is very much endeared.

Iris groans into the phone, “I'm losing it here, Barr. I've somehow managed to put on my high school graduation dress.”

And Barry, eager to help, tells her to “Breathe, Iris,” and wear that plaid dress she’d been wearing in the Snapchat she’d sent from the waiting room of the dentist two Tuesdays ago. And one of her leather jackets that tend to send him into distress, a detail he makes sure to leave out.

"That is so specific." Iris sounds in awe, "You are absolutely incredible. What would I do without you?"

Because that sounds like a trap for his delicate heart and soul, he rushes off the phone with a, “Have fun,” and hangs up before she can say thank you.

///

_where Caitlin makes the mistake of encouraging Barry into realizing that he and Iris act like a couple_

Barry isn’t surprised that Caitlin’s version of _we need to talk about Iris_ is basically an intervention.

"You're just—really weird about each other,” She explains. She’s got that look on her face that’s a cross between being apologetic and extremely uncomfortable with the words that are coming out of her mouth, each one spoken with a tone of regret. “I've never seen anything like it before."

She’s invited him out for coffee, asking him to meet her at one of the campus’ two Starbucks and when he gets there, she’s already ordered for him and sitting at one of the tables outside. That itself should have set off red flags for him.

“Caitlin,” he says, carefully, "What are you saying?"

"I'm saying that...” her grip on her coffee tightens briefly, “…that sometimes it feels like maybe there's more to the playful tackles and the pinning each other to the ground?" She says, characteristically lifting her shoulders at the end of her sentence, "Both of which seem to happen on a regular basis."

Barry blinks at her, thinking about the way Iris had wrapped her arms around him from behind after their shared Medieval Romance class that morning, resting her forehead against his back and sliding her hands over Barry's deep in his pockets, or the way he put his hands on her waist the night before, fending her off after she'd charged at him because he’d made a smartass comment just to get a reaction out of her, how he'd kept his hands there long after the threat was passed, dipping his fingers over the waistband of her sweats to graze against the skin of her hip, their conversation continuing like that was something completely rational and normal.

Barry hadn’t put much or really any thought into the way he and Iris constantly needed to touch each other or their need to poke fun at each other unrelentingly. He hadn’t thought he actually depended on it. He didn’t know it was something to be deliberated or dissected. Suddenly it made sense what made Cisco freeze in the doorway last weekend when he walked in on Iris straddling Barry’s hips, pinning his arms to the couch after he’d cheat coded his way into a win on a video game.

Barry very nearly passes out. “Oh,” he says, and with every blink his mind conjures up another instance that proves that he and Iris are basically very much, looks to be, most definitely _a couple_. Disgustingly so.

“We thought you knew. We just thought you were waiting to tell us,” Caitlin says, “We didn’t think you were that oblivious,” and when Barry makes a noise of assent, she sighs, “I’m sorry, it’s true.”

“Am I dating Iris?”

She smiles softly and nods her head.

Barry suddenly feels a rush of absolute terror. “Does she know this??!”

“If she did, Barry, do you think we’d be having this conversation?” She asks, sincerely, “I think you should tell her.”

“Or not!” he says, “Or definitely not.”

“Oh come _on_. Like anything’s going to change. You’re still both going to act like a couple but you’ll get to add kissing and…well. Anything else you might like to the mix?”

“What if she doesn’t—”

“She _does_. You’ve plenty to prove it. Please don’t be that guy, Barry Allen, because I don’t think I can bear it.”

"Oh my god." And not for the first time that day, Barry buries his face in his hands and shakes his head. "Oh my god."

///

_where Barry doesn't tell Iris he's in love with her_

Barry's plan to tell Iris he's in love with her gets sidetracked when his mom calls to tell him to turn on the TV and help her figure out who an actor is in a movie and where she's seen him before.

"Mom, the Internet can answer both of those questions faster than I can."

Iris has just brought takeaway from a little Thai place around the corner from the apartment, and he's hungry, but Barry turns on the TV anyway.

It's no surprise that he just ends up sitting on the couch and starting to watch the movie with her, Iris joining him with their food when she realizes he's not coming to eat at the table.

She leans against his side, throwing her legs over the arm of the couch while she starts to eat from her plate.

She listens in companionable silence to Barry's conversation, but when she makes a comment on the movie, Barry's mom hears her voice and says, “Who is that? Is that Iris?” And they end up with her on speaker while they finish the movie together.

By the time the movie is over and they're saying their goodbyes, with Iris making kissing sounds at the phone and Barry's mom downright giggling like she's blushing at the attention, their empty bowls are discarded on the table and Iris’ head is in Barry's lap.

"I love your mom. She's so cute,” Iris says.

"She's taken, West."

Iris responds by slamming her fist down hard on Barry's thigh, and Barry says, "Ow!" and grabs her fist to keep her from doing it again.

"You know what I mean." Iris says, and she wrangles out of Barry's grasp on his fist in favor of threading their fingers together.

Barry doesn't let himself panic. This is normal for them. They're best friends. Friends can hold hands and lie in each other's laps and call each others moms cute with a fond tone.

You're not supposed to lie down after you've eaten." Barry says instead of something undeniably stupid, letting Iris take their hands and press them flat against each other, each of their fingertip aligning with the others.

"That's a myth." Iris says, and Barry goes, "You have really pretty hands."

Iris snorts, “Been thinking about going into hand modeling,” she jokes, threading their fingers together again and squeezing. "Hey--" she starts, pulling Barry's attention so he'd look down at her instead of the TV screen where a new movie is beginning. “What did you want to talk about? Earlier? Before Mama Allen?"

Barry freezes. Oh god. He'd completely forgotten. The Big Talk. "Oh..um." He wishes for another phone call to interrupt him again--maybe his dad this time, wanting to set up a fishing trip, or Caitlin wondering if he'd had the Talk yet. He wishes Cisco would come bursting through the door with Felicity in tow, the twos charismatic presence filling up the entire room. He wishes for a meteor to come crashing down on them. "I--" He can't look at Iris’ stupid face. What is the point of her beautiful face. "I forgot." He lies, in a final desperate attempt to not ruin everything he didn't even know he was working towards.

Iris looks disinterested.  "Space case."

“Who even says that anymore. Or ever." Iris smiles, though, and Barry smiles back and tries to will himself to keep breathing.

///

Barry tries and thinks he succeeds at keeping things as normal as possible. Iris doesn't notice the way Barry hesitates before touching her, or grabs a hold of her arms before she can wrap them around his neck and gives her hips a gentle squeeze instead.

It's not until Barry sits up on the couch when Iris tries to lay flat on top his body, and wrap her arms around Barry's waist for a nap, and Iris just look hurt enough that he realizes that she did in fact did notice. She noticed it all.

 ///

_where Nora Allen comes to visit_

Nora doesn't let go of Iris for a whole two minutes.

Barry is too busy laughing to intervene.

They decided not to go out, and instead, Barry speeds through the preparation of cooking some dish that Iris had seen watching the Food channel.

They pour wine from Iris’ collection while they wait for the timer and Iris uses her thumb to wipe away the drip that lingers on Barry's lips before his tongue can reach it and she smiles too sweetly, too personal at him and Nora makes them both stand in the light of the kitchen so she can take pictures.

It's too much, Barry thinks, as Iris laughs at something his mother had said and leans her head onto Barry's shoulder at the ridiculousness of it. His mother gets that, too, the flash of her phone making Barry jump as he's smiling down at Iris.

He kind of wants to pull his mother aside and have her send him every single photo.

Dinner itself turns out to be fantastic and Barry is surprised because they'd kept getting distracted and found the dish a tad burnt.

In Iris’ living room, Barry sits with his legs spread out on the floor, while Iris and his mother sit crosslegged on the couch.

They share stories of Barry when he was a kid, a teenager, a young adult throughout his first two years of college, and Barry doesn't even look embarrassed. He watches Iris instead, her face as his mother talks, and when she looks back at him, smiling and shaking her head in amusement.

Barry sees something there that he's never seen before and it's nearly love--genuine love. A look that's similar to the way Felicity and Oliver look at each other when they think no one else is watching.

And it has Barry tensing up, feeling suddenly exhausted. And he bolts -- grabbing up their dishes as an excuse for his behavior as he zips into the kitchen.

When Nora leaves, kissing both of them on the cheek and hugging them goodbye, Iris leans against the door and lets out a sigh--Barry's not sure if its relief or not.

"Did that go well?"

“Really well." Iris assures him, and Barry's bound for the kitchen to start washing up, realizing he'd left their wine glasses from the table and grabbing them to bring to the sink. Iris follows him.

"You know she's gonna tag you in all of those pictures on Facebook? She's not going to stop."

"It's sweet. Bless her." Iris slides his arms around Barry from behind and hooks her arms on his shoulder.

"It's embarrassing." Barry says, and thinks Iris is in a strange position until she says, "Hush. You don't mind,” and presses a kiss to the back his neck. He instantly blushes.

"I wish you didn't know me so well,” Barry responds with a noticeably choked voice.

“I'll always. Scoot."

Barry allows himself to be hip checked and switches so he's the one washing instead of rinsing. “You know I could do this in no time, right?”

But Iris doesn't seem to mind, lifting her shoulders, "But look at us--washing dishes after having someone over for dinner." She says, "It's a relief from how you've been acting. I feel like we're a married couple."

He laughs and tries not to falter at the words, a plate almost slipping out of his grip. "Ha. Yeah." He says, and swallows.

_///_

_where Barry makes a mistake_

After almost hyperventilating and avoiding Iris for over a week straight, answering text messages briefly and using _I have a big test coming up_ as an excuse more than once, Barry eventually finds himself approaching the situation like an adult, asking her to meet him in the Quad.

But when he approaches her on the bench, of course, his composure goes out the window.

When she sees him, she pulls out one earbud and smiles, holding out a cup of coffee. "Barry. Hi. Coffee. Two sugars."

"Hi. Thank you. Iris, look—if I don't just start talking now I'm never going to get this out so just like—listen, all right?" Iris nods her head, but Barry just barrels on, setting his coffee down on the bench and gesturing her to stand up and do the same. "Iris, I—first I'm sorry I've been avoiding you lately, that wasn't my intention at all. I really didn't mean to hurt you in any way if I did. I would never want to hurt you. I couldn't bear it." Barry says, "I was just—I think I was freaking out because of what Caitlin told me and then I started pushing you away because I was so scared and I don't want to lose you but I didn't know that when I started pushing you away that I'd risk losing you too and everything started to get so confusing and I didn't know how to act or what to do about it and I—"

"Barry—stop. Slow down. Do about what? What did Caitlin tell you?"

Barry shuts his mouth and blinks. He wishes he didn't have to explain this part. He’s going to pass out. "Iris, I'm so scared."

She suddenly looks very worried and Barry wonders if the look on her face mirrors how he feels. "Barr—hey, it's okay. Sit down. Come on,” she soothes as she reaches forward to guide Barry to the bench, but Barry’s nerves take over and he says, "No. Iris—oh god," and presses his hands at the small of her back to pull her closer.

She looks bewildered and Barry can hear his heart pumping like it’s in his ears and he doesn't even try to think rationally when he closes the space between them and kisses her.

And that, he’ll come to find, is a big mistake.


	2. Chapter 2

_where Iris needs space_

Iris is the one avoiding him this time.

“You were wrong,” Barry tells Caitlin, who manages to make guilty look a lot like _you're dying, you have two weeks to live._

When she doesn't say anything, just opens her Ziploc bag of what looks like granola, Barry says. “It's like I'm being tortured,” and holds his hand out until she pours a little into his palm.

“Well—no.” Felicity says, doing the same thing. “It's nothing like that, but I'm sure it sucks for you.”

“You should've seen her face when I kissed her—”

“Wait. You kissed her? I said talk, Barry!” Caitlin scolds.

“You asked Barry to _speak_ ? To _Iris_ ? Like a normal _human_?” Felicity looks scandalized, “And how did that go exactly?”

“Well I kissed her—”

Felicity waves a hand, “Yes apart from that.”

“And she—” He stares back at them, shrinking into his seat, “She ran away.”

“You're the biggest idiot. And that's really saying something because I think I'm dating quite possibly the most special kind of idiot alive.”

“Felicity.”

“No, Barry. You need to listen. For once please just listen! You have to fix it! She's your best friend!”

“I know that—”

“But do you? You're so worried about yourself right now and your feelings that you haven't even stopped to think about how she might be feeling and dealing with this. Her best friend just kissed her out of the blue!”

Barry stays quiet this time, staring down at his knee.

“She hasn't even spoken to me and now I know why. Why didn't you just talk to her? Or ask one of us to help you figure out what to say?”

“I thought I could do it on my own.” Once he feels even the slightest bit of confidence, he's all in. It swallows him whole and there's nothing anyone involved, including himself, can do about it.

“Obviously not!” Felicity says, pulling out her phone, “Now I'm going to go do damage control and you're gonna think about what you've done,” she says, sounding like his mother. Which--is not a very pleasant thought considering their brief fling freshman year.

When Felicity storms away, Barry looks up at Caitlin who smiles sadly at him.

“Ok. Now let's work on getting that pitiful look off your face. I'll call Cisco.”

///

Weeks pass and it gradually gets less weird but it's slow. Slower than Barry's used to these days. It's an awful like they've broken up. They only hang if they're going out in a group.

It's when the five of them all go bowling and Iris gets a strike that they forget just for one second and Iris runs at Barry, who picks him up and spins him because Iris is actually shit at bowling, she always has been, no matter how lucky she gets, and this is so huge, and then in a blink they snap out of it and Barry rushed to set her down and  Iris tucks her hair behind her ear with a little frown and uses Caitlin's departure to get nachos as a getaway.

Barry watches them go and feels tired.

"Still not any better?"

Barry glances at Cisco and distracts himself with picking up his ball to roll his turn. "There is so little that I can do."

Cisco spins in the chair, biting his lip. "Sucks, dude."

Felicity kicks at his shin, "Empathy."

"I feel you?" Cisco tries, voice wavering from spinning.

"It's fine. Don't let me ruin the night by talking about it. We're just a couple of friends out having fun."

"Indeed we are!" Felicity says, "Now bowl like you haven't just completely broken down inside."

///

_where Iris calls while she's on a date and  Barry's heart is broken_

"Hi." He says, a lot more confident than he had been earlier.

There's silence for a beat then, "Hi."

It's a bit strange. They'd seen each other less than a week ago but Barry has a pain resonating in his chest that feels like it's been months.

"It's nice to hear you. I didn't think you'd call."

"I didn't think you would either."

"This is -- do you feel weird?"

Iris laughs, low and charmingly, and it's the best sound that Barry has ever heard. "Very." she admits.

Barry hums. "Can we start over? Can we go back to normal?”

Iris goes quiet and Barry thinks he's put his foot in it until she says, "I'd like that."

"Me too, Iris. So much. I miss you like crazy."

"I miss you too." She says, quietly, almost sadly. Then, "Barry--"

Barry frowns at the tone of her voice. "You all right? Do you want to come over? Where are you?"

Iris goes quiet again and it's so frustrating. Barry hates it when she does this -- that inability to just say what she wants to say.

"Iris."

"I can't come over, Barry."

"Okay. That's fine. We can do it another--"

“I'm on a date,” she says. “His name is Eddie.”

The world seems to stop for a split second and then there's a sudden crashing in his ears that feels deafening as the words repeat back to him. "Oh."

"I don't even know what I'm doing. I excused myself to the toilets and now I'm hiding in a stall because I couldn't stop thinking about you, and you calling me, about what you had to say, and it was just eating at me and I couldn't focus on him. I couldn't even think properly. I could only think about you and that's just. That's not fair. He doesn't deserve that. No one deserves that, Barry. Now I've heard what you have to say and now I have to go." She says, her voice shaky to the point where Barry is clutching his phone as he thinks about holding her hand. "Goodbye Barry."

Barry lets his phone fall out of his hand, carelessly landing somewhere it'd take awhile to find later. He doesn't care.

His head hurts and he feels like a piece of shit, but he doesn't cry. There's no point.

///

They made it official after five dates, Barry hears. He took her to a show and asked her if she wanted to do this all the time, the two of them, hanging out. And she'd said yes.

///

_where Barry meets Eddie_

Barry meets Eddie by accident. He all but bumps into him as he speeds into line at Starbucks, in a rush from being late to class.

He apologizes profusely, momentarily daunted by the guy’s smile, subsequent recognition, and exclamation of, “Hey, you’re Barry, right?”

Barry frowns, unable to place his face. “Uh yeah—yeah, and you’re—”

“Oh right. I’m Eddie. I just recognized your face from Iris’ pictures. It’s nice to finally meet you, Barry.”

Barry reluctantly grabs his hand when he holds it out to shake, “Nice to meet you too.”

“I think Iris is going to be upset when she finds out we met when she wasn’t here,” he laughs and it’s as equally awkward as Iris’ and Barry wants to die.

“Oh she will,” Barry says, adjusting the strap of his backpack on his shoulder with a hesitant smile.

“Definitely. We’ll probably have to reenact it. Props and all,” Eddie says, waving the book in his hand. Barry can only see part of the title, “Contemporary Corrections,” and sighs. Joe won’t be happy.

It’s unfortunate that their conversation flows easily from there even if the topic is Iris.

By the time the lines is moving and they’ve both got their coffees, Barry has Eddie’s number saved into his phone.

///

The problem is – Eddie is damn near perfect and Barry feels inferior in every way.

///

_where Barry meets Patty_

They've been together for four months when Barry meets Patty who’s cute and typically no nonsense and more than Barry deserves.

She can tell there's something off about him, something he's not telling her and going out of his way to hide.

It's not his speed this time, as it was with other girls, he'd shown her within the first month, speeding them both to a restaurant in the next town. He'd enjoyed watching her doe-like eyes light up, that incredible smile take over to the point where Barry was sure she wasn't real.

She takes it well, his powers, but and it's easy to wrap her head around. She has a history with metas after all.

It's the lying she doesn't like, she tells him.. The excuses. The way he looks at her like he's seeing someone else. It's the lying she doesn't deserve.

So she leaves. And not just him. Not because of him. She transfers after three months, an out of state student wanting to be closer to her family, and it hits Barry hard.

Cisco is so sympathetic towards him that he spends the weekend with Barry on their couch watching the Animal Channel.

They don't talk about it. Barry is glad. Until the silence goes on too long between them that Barry understands what's happening.

“What do you want me to do, Cisco?”

“I don't want you to do anything, Barry.” He responds with a shrug that says he definitely wants Barry to do something. “You seem to know everything, dude.”

"Well that's cryptic. You never say anything cryptic unless there's a reason. I know you, Cisco. You've always got some master plan."

"Okay. I genuinely don't know what you're saying. You're being paranoid." Cisco says, which maddens Barry even more.

"So--what? I made a mistake? Is that it?” Barry says, watching an uninterested Cisco keep his eyes on the TV. “Did I screw things up? Was I oblivious?”

When Cisco doesn't say anything, Barry continues, “That's bullshit, man. She's the one that screwed everything up. She's the one who left. I haven't done anything but try to move on! She broke up with me because she was afraid of being with me. She ran away from me. And I--”

Barry stops talking and stares, blinking back at Cisco who's now been watching him with a series of amused expressions.

“I--”

"You can do it,” Cisco finally speaks, “Come on, Barry."

Barry deflates, tension running out of his body, as he sinks back into the couch cushion. "I let her."

Cisco reaches out a hand to lay on his shoulder. "There you go."

"She was afraid and she ran and I let her. I didn't fight for her. I didn't even try, Cisco. Oh my god." Barry crouches over with his elbows on his knees and his face in his hands, a pose that's become his signature.

"You're all right."

Barry scrubs a hand down his face and turns to look at Cisco, suddenly very serious. "What do I do? I don't. I don't know what to do."

"You should probably apologize for being a major dick.” Cisco says, looking unsympathetic.

///

He calls Patty and talks to her for over an hour. She doesn't explicitly forgive him, but he leaves the conversation feeling overly optimistic and with the knowledge that he really sucks at relationships.


	3. Chapter 3

_where Iris cooks dinner for Barry and shows Barry her a tattoo_

The thing about Barry is, he needs time. He's an impressionable sort. He lets people in easy, gets attached and completely falls apart when someone does something that he didn't expect. He starts to feel betrayed. By anyone, but mostly himself. Barry Allen has to deal with Barry Allen. He's the only one who really can.

Well, except Iris.

When Barry opens the door days after the breakup, Iris is there wearing a nice black jacket and even nicer black jeans and Barry--doesn't remember how to greet someone.

"Um.”

Iris is speaking before Barry can process it, "My question for you, Barry Allen is: How would you like to have the Iris attempt at a Grandma Esther recipe?"

She invites herself in before he can answer, carrying a few bags in her hands, her backpack hanging off one shoulder, and Barry can only hesitate in the doorway before closing the door.

“Er, hi,” he says not sure, not sure what she wants him to say. Not sure what she's doing there anyway, in his kitchen, with bags of groceries.

"I heard you've barely been eating.

"Not particularly in the mood lately."

"You're going to let one little breakup stop you? My how the mighty have fallen."

"What are you doing here, Iris."

"We're having dinner." She says, smiling and poking Barry in the side with a pack of noodles. “So maybe out on a pair of pants.”

He blushes when he glances down to see the sight of his pale legs. He's gone in a blink, speeding to his room to pull on a clean pair of jeans.

He stares at himself in his bathroom mirror for five minutes. He rubs his jaw, frowning at the hair there and concluding that completely grooming himself might not be such a good idea. He puts his cologne right back in his medicine cabinet and runs a hand through his hair.

Iris was in his apartment and cooking dinner.

Barry wonders why the hell she thought this was a good idea as he rejoins Iris in the kitchen. She's got music playing softly and she's dancing but it's contained, like she's stopping herself from getting too animated.

"What are you listening to?" Barry asks, amusedly, climbing onto a stool at the small kitchen island.

"I've started a new thing where I listen to music based on my mood while I'm cooking." She explains.

Barry opens his mouth to ask for further explanation, but Iris sticks a spoon in his face. "Blow and taste."

Barry frowns at the spoon, "You taste it," but Iris is unrelenting and Barry is in love with her, so he lets himself be force fed.

"So?"

"It's good. You know it's good why do you need me to tell you that."

Iris nods, satisfied, and returns to stirring another pot with something else that will probably taste good as well. "Because I need constant validation." Iris says, nonchalantly, "do you want to help?"

"Not really, but I have a feeling you're going to make me anyway."

"Look at you, being smart." Iris teases. "I need grated mozzarella. Can you do this?"

"I--I think I can. I mean...it's such a big responsibility."

Iris tries to kick Barry as he passes by him, but falls short, as Barry speeds to the other side of the kitchen.

Iris groans, “Ugh, I hate it when you do that.”

"No you don't.”

Iris seizes an unused ladle and turns on Barry, who laughs. "Okay fine, fine!”

"Just shut up." Iris looks flustered, "And start grating."

///

Iris has a tattoo - a lyric about hope, or love, or faith in a subtle font on her back.

"I bet he hates it." Barry comments, not meaning to bring him up at all. Not consciously at least.

Iris shrugs that almost nervous, but at the same time blasé shrug, bringing her glass to his her as she says, "Don't think he cares anymore."

Barry watches Iris pointedly avoid looking back at him, staring down at his hands. "I'm sorry, Iris."

"It's all right. Happened awhile ago. It was probably for the best."

"How long ago? Why didn't you tell me, I would have--"

"What?" Iris finally looks at him, but her face is sad and Barry has to look away this time.

"I don't know." Barry says, quietly. "Been there for you."

Iris shakes her head with a frown between her eyebrows. "I didn't want to bother you." She moves to place her glass on the coffee table. "We weren't exactly on the greatest of terms."

"Are we now?" Barry watches her fold her legs underneath her and rest her hand on his knee.

"I'd like us to be."

"I was never mad at you, Iris. I never wanted to stop being around you."

"Then why did you?"

"Because you pulled yourself away."

"That's because you pulled away first!" Iris snaps. "After I met Eddie, you never wanted to be in the same room with me."

"I thought that was what you wanted. You told me--- _you told me_ that I was getting in the way. You said I was the reason you couldn't focus on him. So I backed off. I gave you your space."

"I never asked you to walk out of my life completely. I would never ask you that." Iris says, "You just gave up! I wanted you to--" she stops herself, visibly shrinking down.

"What, Iris?"

"I wanted you to fight. For me, for us. Not run away."

"Then why didn't you say something! Why do you never tell me what you want? I can't read your mind! You have to let me in."

"I thought it was pretty clear. I thought you knew."

"I honestly didn't. You are so hard to figure out. And I try."

"Not hard enough." Iris says, softly. "You always give up. Always."

"At least I try at all."

"Don't you dare." Iris says. "I have given _everything_ to you. Every single part of me. I did try, Barry. Everyday. Don't you dare try to blame this on me."

"What do you want me to do. Tell me what you want from me."

"I just want you! Don't you get that? I don't want to leave here without--without knowing that I have you. And that you have me. Barry, I want us."

Barry feels like throwing up, his hands are shaking as he stares back at Iris.

"Please say something." She pleads.

"Why has it taken you so long to tell me."

"I thought you knew. I thought it was obvious."

"People have to stop saying that and assuming I'm aware of things. I'm not. I'm really, really not. I'm an idiot. You have to draw things out for me clearly and then shove them in my face. I can't do it on my own."

"Clearly." Iris says, frowning, "Barry. You're not actually responding to what I said. I really need you to do that."

"Do you see what I mean! I can't even properly say that I love you without being an idiot about it!"

Iris freezes. "You love me?"

"Yes. Of course I do."

"Don't say of course like i knew that. How could I know that?" Iris says, "You love me."

"I love you. I'm in love with you."

"Thank you."

"What?"

"Thank you for telling me." She says, and then, like she's forgotten, "I also love you! I've loved you forever. I can't believe I can finally tell you that."

"You could've told me at any time."

"You could have too! I've been dying, Barry! I wanted you to love me so bad. It killed me not knowing."

"I always knew I loved you. I just never thought--I didn't think that was what you wanted to hear."

"It was all i wanted to hear." Iris says, "Say it again."

"I love you."

"Again." Iris says, crawling over to sit in Barry's lap. She stares at his lips as he says, "I love you." again.

"Can I kiss you?" She asks, and does it before Barry can even think about nodding.


	4. a glimpse into the future

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BONUS chapter that takes place at least a year and a half after the last

**where Barry and Iris get engaged and don't tell anyone and Felicity finds out**

They don't tell anyone.

Iris wears her ring around her neck on a chain when she goes to work, but when she's at home, she slips it on her finger with a relieved smile and a kiss to Barry's cheek.

Barry wears his daily and Cisco still hasn't noticed, which proves a lot about him, if Barry's honest, and his bragged about ability to notice everything. 

It's not until a few weeks after their engagement that Barry gets a call in the middle of the cereal aisle.

He answers it and it's Felicity of all people. "Um. Hi?"

"I just had lunch with Iris." She greets.

Barry stares at a box of Fruit Loops and tries not to start hyperventilating. She already sounds accusatory and he hasn't got his inhaler with him and dying in the middle of a grocery store at half past one on a Tuesday isn't exactly the way he'd want to be remembered. "Oh. Yeah? How was that?"

"Fine. It's just that--" she says, "I saw something interesting on her hand and I was wondering if you could maybe provide a reasonable explanation for me. Preferably one that won't make me hunt you down and kick you."

"What'd you see?" Barry asks, keeping his goddamn cool.

"Barry!" Felicity shouts and he flinches as he imagines the slap on the arm he would've gotten if she was there. "You know what I saw!"

He drops the act real quickly, feeling his entire existence threaten to shrink up, "I'm...sorry?"

"When were you going to tell me? And everyone?"

Barry leans against the cart and sighs. "Eventually. Probably soon. Maybe." He says, "Does Iris know that you know?"

"No, she doesn't. And it's not just because I am a really good friend. I don't want her to. I want to see how long it takes for her to finally tell me. You're both obviously good at keeping secrets."

"I won't tell her." Barry promises. "As long as you don't tell anyone else. Give us time, yeah? Please, Felicity. We'll make a big announcement. Throw a party. You just have to keep quiet."

"I can be awesome at secrets if I can help with the party. No--if I can help with the wedding!"

Barry barely suppresses a groan. "We haven't really talked about planning yet. We're kind of still...in an engagement bubble. Not much. Um," He grasps for delicate wording, "Discussion."

Felicity isn't fooled and she sounds delighted when she says, "Well after you're done with your sexual celebrating, I'm here for all your party needs. I'm your girl. Well--not your girl. Just. The girl for the job. That's me."

"Thanks. I will call you. And I'm so sorry."

"Shut up. You're always apologizing. Send me a picture of your ring and I'll think about not holding this over your head for the next millennia."

"Fine, but you have to promise to delete it afterwards. I've seen you leave your phone in random places."

"You've also been one of the ones to look through my pictures."

"That was one time and it was Cisco looking for that picture of you and Laurel on Halloween and you know it. I'm hanging up now. I think I've got to go and fight someone's grandparents over a roast chicken."

"God--married life sounds boring already."

"Buying food doesn't make me married!"

"You're going to cook for her while she's at work and you're going to sit down and eat at a table and talk about your days." Felicity says. "Is that not what married people do? I forget."

"I really wish you hadn't found out." Barry says, miserable. "Goodbye, Felicity."

"Goodbye Barry West-Allen."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i love that posting on ao3 still manages to confuse me after years of doing so. thank you for reading :)


	5. another glimpse into the future

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another short bonus chapter!

_where Iris and Barry get married_

There's no big ceremony, no proper vowels, just tears and choked sentences, and a lengthy kiss that has their audience wolf whistling and inappropriately applauding.

“We're totally married,” Iris says in a whisper that has Barry grinning into the kiss.

Before they cut the cake, they drink together with their arms linked like Barry's always seen in the movies and spill champagne on themselves, and afterwards, Iris feeds him the first bite and kisses the icing off his lips.

They eat catered Italian and guests keep bringing them drinks and more drinks and even stronger ones that make Barry a tiny bit loose and pink cheeked and Iris giggly and handsy as she sits in Barry's lap and balances between cheering on Cisco, who's gotten into some drinking contest with one of her cousins, and kissing and feeling up her brand new husband.

Sometime near the end reception, when everyone is drunk and well fed, Iris gets dragged away to dance with Wally, with his tie loose and his jacket off, tipsy, and Barry gets dragged off by Cisco to a secluded corner of the hall.

It's a surprise when he gives him his wedding present early, a present that Cisco says, "Isn't much," but then hands him a framed photo of Barry and Iris sitting by the fire during their first camping trip freshman year.

Barry kind of loses his breath because of the way Iris is looking at him while Barry himself is looking down, blushing, smiling at the ground. He knows he's thinking about how beautiful she’d looked by the fire, how he was falling in love with her. How he could never get the girl. Not this one. Not ever.

But it's their body language that really gets to him, the way they're leaning into each other for warmth, for something solid. Before they started dating. Before the kiss. Before Eddie and Patty. Before all of this. Before everything.

"Cisco."

"Don't mention it." Cisco says, avoiding the sentiment, but grinning so bright, a clear you can finally be happy now. "Congratulations, bro."

//

When they stumble into Iris’ apartment, they're attached at the mouth, and Barry trips over a gift basket that Felicity probably just dumped in the middle of the goddamn floor, and Iris giggles, hasn't really stopped giggling, too giddy, and Barry lifts her up so she can wrap her legs around his waist to be carried to the couch. He sets her down, but Iris cries out as something hard hits her back.

"Ow! No. What's--"

"Sorry, sorry." Barry apologizes, and returns to kissing her, picking her back up and heading towards her bedroom, which, he thinks, they probably should’ve headed towards anyway. His mistake.

Barry presses her against the closed door for awhile and she lets him, combing her hands through his short hair, tightening her legs around his waist. But then she gets annoyed and wiggles her way out of her shirt, thankful she'd changed and says, “Barr,” and Barry gets the hint and walks them over to her bed.

Iris falls back into the sheets and undresses frighteningly quick, clearly doesn't really want to take her time at first go, and uses the time it takes for Barry to undo his pants with shaky, too many drinks hands to grab the condom that Barry knows she'd stashed just underneath the bed to the left--his side of the bed--for easy access. When she hears the rustle of a condom, she turns her head to see Barry is already ripping one open with a cheesy smile.

"Did you have that in your pocket? Throughout our entire wedding? Really? In front of our _parents_ , Barry Allen?"

Barry makes a face, and stops moving, "Please don't mention our parents right now. Oh my god."

"I'm not the one who was thinking about screwing me the entire night."

"I think about you like this every second." Barry says, "I could've said that in my vowels, but I don't think the audience would've appreciated it."

"Aww." Iris says, pulling Barry’s arm until he's lying between her legs, "Sweetest thing anyone's ever said to me."

"Glad." Barry responds. "Can we do this now?"

"Charmer." Iris teases, scoffing, "Don't take your time. We've got all night."

"Planned on it." Barry presses a kiss to Iris’ stomach and sinks down between her legs.


End file.
